The following is adapted from one of my father’s many story jokes. The man is an artist.

There once was a toothless old logger who had been plying his craft all his life. He was quick with a cross-cut saw, quicker than anybody. But one day he finally decided it was time to get one of them newfangled chainsaws. So he dipped into his savings and grudgingly went into the store.

He walked up to the salesman and asked, “Is these things any good?” pointing to a shiny, new saw.

“Oh, ho, ho,” laughed the salesman, “these things are so good that you’re guaranteed fifty trees a day, or your money back.”

So he bought the chainsaw and took it out into the forest the next morning. He worked as hard as he could, but he cut down only twenty-five trees–less than his usual. He grumbled and groaned and vowed to try harder the next day, but he got only thirty trees. Mad as a hornet, he got up before sunrise the next day and worked until it was too dark to see anymore. He didn’t get past forty trees.

So the next day he took the chainsaw back to the store and complained to the salesman. “You told me this fool thing would get me fifty trees. I gots only forty yesterday, and that was from workin’ harder than I ever have. There’s gotta be somethin’ wrong with it.”

The salesman didn’t want to take the chainsaw back if he didn’t have to, so he took the saw from the logger and set it on the ground. He pulled the cord twice, and the engine roared to life. The logger went white as a sheet, leaped back, and screamed, “WHAT’S THAT THERE NOISE?!”